My Dad died 4 years ago after 7 years of Alzheimer's - finally dying of bowel cancer
In the first stages my brother lived with Man & Dad so he helped
But as the disease worsened and become the nightmare only families touched with it understand my brother became resentful of the fact that he was doing more than the rest of my siblings (there are 5 of us)
My eldest brother lived 15 minutes away by car and visited 3 times in 7 years He just pretended it wasn't happening
None of us did as much as we could - not even my brother who lived there for 20 years and now did the bare minimum feeling that the rest of us should be doing more - I was living and working 300 miles away and went every month as did my middle brother and my sister
Eventually my brother announced he had met someone on the internet and was leaving my mother and father alone - Mam crippled with arthritis and Dad in the last stages of Alzheimer's - I dont blame my brother after all he went through - it was as if he had broken down
My sister took Mam & Dad to live with her - leaving their home of 50 years
3 months later Dad died
This illness has very long arms - it bulldozes everything in its path
4 years after dad's death I feel it has bulldozed our warm close family over a cliff and left us as separete estranged resentful "relatives" rather than brothers and sisters
I live alone and my family were always the one place of belonging - now thanks to Alzheimer's I'm totally alone
we see each other but its not the same - the stuffing has been punched out of the heart of the family
My reason for writing this is as a warning to those starting out or going through the hell of looking after a family member with Alzheimer's
communicate your bad feelings support each other - ask for help ask why a person is not doing their share and show support to every person - work as a team
Don't do what we did - 5 people desperately trying to make sure the others weren't doing less than their share
Keep the channels open between you and remember the love at the heart of your family
That way when you go through the loss of your loved one you will walk away from the funeral as a family not like I did - completely alone
Love can get lost and not come back again after its all over - if it could happen to my lovely family it can happen to yours
